I admit it. I was struggling with what to write about for this week’s post. Last November, I committed to posting a blog entry every Sunday morning for at least one year. My writing prompt would be a chapter name from my first novel, Whispering Pines. Each chapter in the book is named for one of the endless gifts life has to offer. Writing the posts is fun, and I’ve stuck to my commitment, but some weeks are tougher than others to come up with something I hope you’ll find inspiring and fun. Now, stay with me, because this gets really good.

I also like structure and spreadsheets. In addition to being a writer, I’m an accountant. Bit of a strange combination, I know! A month or two into my one-year blogging experiment, I decided to “assign” the chapter headings to a specific week for the coming months. It would give me a place to start each week and some topics lend themselves better to certain times of the year. I’ve done some rearranging along the way, but it’s helped.

Months ago, I assigned the “Gift of Night Waves” title to my July 29th blog post. It’s a pivotal chapter in the book, one that has a big impact on my main character’s life and it takes place half-a-world away. So fun! But I was struggling to come up with an idea for this blog post. I was ready to switch to Gift of Distraction and speak to Night Waves later. But then something happened Friday night that still boggles my mind.

Today’s post really started three years ago, well before I even thought about writing a blog and two years before publishing my first novel. It was a beautiful summer day at the lake and we’d just purchased two new kayaks. I’d never been in a kayak before. If you’ve done any kayaking, you know they can be tricky to get into and out of, but once you’re in, they can be fun and relatively easy to navigate, at least on a calm day.

 Novice kayaker that I was, I wore my favorite flip flops on my first outing. Getting in was a bit rocky but I made it. Getting out, not so much. We don't have a sandy lake bottom in front of our cabin. In fact, it can be quite nasty. Lots of clay, sharp shale and muck. I got within a couple feet of shore. Balancing the little craft, I managed to get my first leg out and step on the lake bottom. The water was only about knee deep. As I stood and hoisted myself out of the kayak, I could feel my first foot sink deep into the sludge. I took a step toward shore and my sandal pulled off my foot, stuck. I wasn’t worried. I’d just get the boat up out of the water and come back and pull my flip flop out of the crud. After all, it was only a few feet from shore, right in front of our shale beach.

But there was a problem. The more I ran first my feet and then my hands over the top of the sludge to find my favorite shoe, it was as if it had disappeared. You have to understand, I loved those flip flops and this was ridiculous. A shoe can’t just disappear. Can it?

Actually, it could. I searched in vain but it was gone, even going so far as to offer a $20 reward to any kid that could find my left flip flop. I don’t give up easily. Anytime I was down in that area, I’d look. But as the days and weeks passed, I knew it had likely let loose from the bottom at some point and floated away. My missing shoe became a bit of a family joke. A little mystery. I couldn’t bring myself to toss the matching shoe. You just never know, right?

Remember, my shoe was lost to the lake bottom in the summer of 2015. Now, fast forward to Friday evening, July 27, 2018. It’s a beautiful, calm evening and my daughters go down to the dock to do a little fishing. After the flurry of activity that comes with our Friday night arrivals at the cabin, I decide to go join them on the dock to relax and catch up a little. The sun is starting to set and I’ve been sitting too long. Thinking I’d explore a little before full dark fell, I wandered off the dock, heading along the shore line back toward the cove. I’d only gone a couple of yards when I stopped, my eyes wandering over the water lapping against the shore. Sometimes you can see little minnows swimming there.
The water wasn’t clear. It had a brownish cast. Right near the shore, something was floating. It could have been a small chunk of wood, maybe bark, but it looked out of place. I bent down to take a closer look. Now it looked like the sole of a shoe. Yep, you guessed it.

I can’t make this stuff up. We’d searched on and off for three years for my favorite little flip flop. Kids don’t give up easily either when there’s twenty bucks on the line and they knew I was good for it, if only they could find the sunken treasure. Too bad for them I was the one to finally find it, floating along the shore, three years later, in the same area I’d lost it.

Picking it up, my initial thought was someone was trying to pull a fast one on me. Maybe putting my right sandal into the water where I could find it? I’d always thought that, if it was still stuck out there, there would be little left of it. But my shoe didn’t look too bad. It was still intact, and mud caked, but in better shape than I thought possible.

We were all in a bit of shock. My girls were adamant they didn’t know anything about someone sticking the “other” sandal in the water that I’d saved all these years, just to play a joke on me. I ran up to the cabin, rinsed off the muck from my find, and left it on the patio so I could go dig through the shoe basket inside. And there it was. The mate to my lost shoe I hadn’t been able to throw away…just in case. No one had tricked me. I’d gotten a little gift, the night before my birthday, floating gently on the night waves.
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I could just write it off as a series of coincidences. But when I combine the fact my favorite sandal was missing… in the water…for three years and it just happened to break loose and I happened to walk by the shore and find it before it could float away, coupled with the fact I’d initially planned to create a blog post called Gift of Night Waves for this Sunday, it’s all a bit crazy. Oh, and there is one more twist. Today, as I write this post, it’s 7/28/18, my first birthday without my amazing mother. She’s been on my mind so much lately. All these “firsts” without her are tough. She was a frequent visitor at our cabin and knew of my quest to find my missing shoe. She’d laugh and shake her head at me.

I’m going to chose to accept my gift from the waves as a sign and an important reminder. Never give up on something, no matter how long it takes or ridiculous it seems. Not everything can be explained. I’ll even let myself imagine it might just have been a little birthday greeting, sent by an angel.
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There are little miracles around us every day, stay open to them!   Kim 

I love the word “stroll”. When I hear it, I immediately think of a leisurely nature walk. Or maybe a relaxed meandering down a quaint Main Street somewhere, window shopping and people watching. Even thinking about taking a stroll is a treat.

Yesterday, I did more than think about it. Late morning, I pushed away from my desk, slipped on comfortable shoes and gave myself permission to walk across the street and take a ten-minute stroll. Usually, if I do get some exercise during my work day, it's a one-hour power walk with the intention of getting in as many steps as possible so I can check “exercise” off the day’s to-do list. And even that doesn’t happen often enough. But this is different. My goal is to simply enjoy the park across the street. A gift to myself. And now my gift to you:

The weather is cooperating. It’s slightly overcast, there’s no wind (hard to believe!) and it’s warm at 79 degrees but not yet hot. As I cross the busy road, my ears are bombarded with the sounds of traffic, construction and “progress”. I follow the sidewalk rimming the north side of the park. My first destination is a beautiful seating area, graced with a large, colorful flower garden and bright hanging plants. No one is sitting on the benches. While the noise continues, I start to relax as I take in all the beautiful flowers. I “see” them everyday as I drive by, coming and going from work, but this time I really look at them. 
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Set a short distance back from the seating area is a small stone marker, flush with the ground. I might not have noticed it if not for the two small American flags waiving above it on short wooden sticks. I wander over and my breath catches as I read the inscription: In memory of Fargo Officer Jason Moszer End of Watch 2-11-16. I’m transported back to a cold, bleak day when the streets of Fargo were lined with people, showing respect for this brave peace officer, taken too soon.

From there, I wander over to the large monument bearing the inscription “Angel of Hope”. At the base is a small, handmade wooden cross. I wonder who might have placed the cross here, among the snowy white flowers.  The monument is a beautiful tribute to the innocent, to lost children. Pavers bearing inscriptions to lost loved ones ring the monument. I pause to offer up a prayer for them.

The park is intersected with walking paths. As I stroll deeper into the heart of it, the sound of traffic and everyday life fades away, replaced by birds chirping and an occasional shout of laughter or murmur of conversation. Two women sit on a bench next to a huge pine, visiting. A man sits on top of a picnic table, ear buds in, listening to something as he looks at his phone. “Look up” I want to tell him, there is so much to see.

I hear the whirl of a lawn mower. The smell of fresh cut grass permeates the air and small swirls of grass clippings powder the path at my feet. A golf cart passes me with barely a sound. The driver gives me a friendly wave as he makes his way to the next trash bin. I feel a sense of gratitude for the work they do, keeping this pretty little gem groomed and clean in the middle of our city.

There are people around, but because the park is so large, I still feel a sense of solitude in this tranquil environment. Groups are playing tennis. Someone rides by on a bicycle. A man walks ahead of me, vaping. A group of adults are a little way off, playing some kind of game with a ball. I can hear their laughter. A bright cluster of playground equipment is off to my left. Kids play on the structure while those responsible for their care watch from the sidelines. I marvel at the height of the center structure of the play equipment. If a child can climb way up inside there to the top, the view has to be extraordinary.

I stop at a tall statue, obviously very old. The words inscribed are starting to fade. I read the name: Henrik Wergeland, June 17, 1808 – July 12, 1845. There is a description of him and I struggle to make it out. The words “a friend to the poor and oppressed” jump out at me, as does the note that this was a gift from Norway to the United States. Who was this man, dead now for 173 years? He must have been special.

The park is full of trees, both old and new. Efforts to maintain this space into the future are evident. Newer trees are staked to give them a chance to mature, a measure of protection against the inevitable storms and wind.  The grass is green but dry patches are starting to show and the ground is showing a web of cracks. We need rain.

Off to my right is a majestic white gazebo. A park district vehicle sits beside it and someone stands high on a ladder inside, perhaps repairing the lofty ceiling. Many marriages have commenced here. I stop to check the schedule posted near the gazebo. There will be music played here in the coming days, open to the public with free will offerings to benefit local charities.

Continuing on, I reach an area of the park with newer sidewalks. There are treasures here, below the feet of visitors. Short poems, etched into the path. Written by children. I couldn’t help but snap a picture of one so I could remember a young girl’s words of wisdom and share them with you:

 A New Beginning  
Have fun,
Play hard,
Rock on,
Live life right,
Relax more,
Sit back,
Parks can take you anywhere.
Life is wonderful.
So live like it is.
Hannah W. Age 10
 
I stroll on, amazed at the wisdom of one so young. I’m now at the far end of the park. A woman is sitting at a picnic table, shoes kicked off, reading. I suspect she’s on an early lunch break. I start walking back toward the other end, following a different path now. This one takes me by a large, unique structure. A sign reads “Jerry Scherling Court Complex”. The backside flanks the tennis courts. Some day I’ll research what this is, who Jerry was.

I spot another flat, concrete marker at the base of a large evergreen. I wander over to see what this one says. Another memory, this one older, springs to mind as I read these words:
This tree is symbolic of the miracle of Christmas that the Fargo-Moorhead community experienced during      the life-saving rescue of Alvard Garza in December of 1987. This tree has been planted to remind us of the miracle of life that we all experience each day.

Alvard was a young boy who nearly drowned when he fell through the ice on the Red River. His survival was nothing short of a miracle. I appreciate the reminder that we all witnesses miracles throughout our lives.

I’m now three-fourths of the way through the park, my stroll nearing its end. I stop at another beautiful flower bed. The brilliant yellow of the large marigolds happen to match my shirt today. The Island Park Pool is behind me. It won’t be long until this area is swarming with kids but I’m a little early. It isn’t open quite yet. 
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There is one last statue to stop at, to wonder about. This one towers far above me, too high for me to guess at its height. Near the bottom are the words “In Memory of our Comrades 1861-1865”. A man in uniform stands tall at the top of the structure. The year 1918 is placed in fancy scroll work near the top.

I check the time. My stroll has extended to twenty minutes and it’s time to get back. I pass by a sign in front of the YMCA, advertising openings in their fall back-to-school program, reminding me how fleeting summer is. As I make my way back across the asphalt, the heat of the day becomes apparent. Whether it’s from the sun reflecting off the concrete or the things I know are waiting for me back at my desk, I can’t know. But my little reprieve has been delightful. I’m reminded there is always a tranquil oasis not far from me. When life heats up or stagnates, I must remember to give myself permission to put on my walking shoes and take a stroll with my eyes wide open. I’ll again find my center and will learn new things in the process.

​Life is good. Life is a gift. So truly live it!    Kim

Back in the summer of 1996, I was a member of our local Toastmaster club. I was eight years into my working career and needed to improve on my public speaking skills. I’m sure I picked up some important pointers during my stint with the group, but one short speech has, quite literally, followed me around to this day. The words are captured, front and back, on one single piece of paper. The speech focused on the daily struggles of working moms and the “mommy guilt” I was so obviously feeling at the time. I even remember giving this particular speech because of the passion I felt while delivering it. We had a two-year-old son at home and I was newly pregnant with our daughter. Eventually that number would grow to three.

I’ve always worked outside of the home. Following college, I entered the banking business. Thirty years later, that is still where I spend my days. But throughout this long career, I’ve continued to experiment with other ways of making a living on the side. Much of this was driven by my desire to have more time with our kids.

I remember standing up and starting my speech with the following opening. If you have kids, you will be able to relate:
 
“Mommy, do you have to go to work today?” How many of you have heard this as you head out of the driveway to drop off your child at daycare or school? I hear it every once in a while, and it is inevitably a beautiful, sunny morning and I would like nothing more than to put the car back in the garage and play outside all day with my son.

I can’t do it though because I work outside the home. I convince my son he will have a great time at Janet’s house and I head into the office. I haven’t been a working mother for very long. My son is still young. It certainly hasn’t taken me long; however, to come to the conclusion that working moms have to be borderline “Superwomen”. If you don’t buy this line, let me walk you through a typical day at our house.”
 
I proceeded to spell out what was then a normal day for us. The early mornings, the hand off at daycare, the rush to get to work, the daily grind, the rush back to daycare for a timely pickup. Note: lots of rushing back in those days. Then home to figure out supper, bath time, play time, reading time and the bedtime routine.

My purpose in sharing this now isn’t to reiterate how busy my life was as I learned to balance a family and an outside career. Instead, I hoped to share with you where my perspective has changed with my years of experience, and where it has stayed the same.

The years pass very quickly. Fast forward twelve years to May 1, 2008. Suddenly, our “little” boy was fourteen and our girls eleven and seven. In addition to my day job, I was working to build a team with a network marketing company. I was intrigued by the opportunity to someday work from home and, again, have more time with my kids. This company put a huge emphasis on self-development. Never before had I read so many books around self-improvement and goal setting. The book “The Secret” exploded on the scene and suddenly the Law of Attraction was everywhere..

It was during this time I ran across my one-page speech from 1996, tucked away in an old Toastmaster manual. Reading those words I’d written ten years earlier as a new mom working in corporate felt surreal. I was still searching for that thing that would give me more time with my family. I recognized the message within those words still resonated deep in my heart. Nothing was more important than quality time with them. I decided to laminate that single page, sandwiching my business card along with a note on the backside so it could serve as a reminder of my priorities.

Now, flash forward again to 2017. As my focus shifted to writing and self-publishing novels, I set up an office in our basement. When I worked to tame a mess of old paperwork, I again stumbled across my Toastmaster speech. Another ten years had passed.

When I reflect on my journey, I realize I’ve done my best to stay true to my earlier self; keeping my top priority on time with family, raising great kids, and making a living to help support our life. I passed on some work opportunities because it would have stolen precious time from what has always been most important to me.

My “little” boy is now twenty-four and engaged. We’ve had a busy weekend, hosting a bridal shower at our house for his soon-to-be bride. His younger sisters worked hard to pull the party together. Friends and family filled our house on Saturday morning and we had so much fun. Even though she no longer lives in our neighborhood, Janet, the kid’s daycare provider, was able to join us as well as other important people in our lives.

So …what are some things I’ve learned over these two plus decades of juggling motherhood and a career?

• Never lose sight of your highest priorities. Work hard and find work you enjoy but guard against allowing work to consumer your life. Keep searching for that elusive balance.
• Sometimes, you will be exhausted after a crazy long day and you will wonder if you accomplished anything. It may seem like day after day of drudgery. But looking back, you will be shocked at how quickly the years pass and you will be proud of what you’ve been able to accomplish.
• There are many ways to make a living. Different opportunities will present themselves to you over the years. Don’t be afraid to try something new if it is in line with your goals and priorities. If it isn’t a good fit, take a deep breath and say “no”. Walk away. Have faith that there is something better for you, you just have to be patient.

As I hold this laminated message from my younger self in my hands this morning, I’m relieved I’ve done some things right. Of course, there have been bumps and hiccups along the way, but I can smile and know I’ve made mostly good decisions. Perhaps I can share some of this experience and wisdom when I give my toast at the upcoming nuptials. Our twenty-ninth wedding anniversary will be one day after our son’s wedding. I may be able to come up with a few nuggets to share with them as they embark on their new adventures.

Trust in your own journey and keep to your own personal priorities. Let them be your guideposts in life. Pass on your wisdom and experience to younger generations. I’m here to cheer you on!    Kim 

I admit it – I am terrible at asking for help. But I’m finally coming to realize that seeking assistance from others is absolutely vital in living our best lives.

I know I’m stubborn in this area and I’m sure part of it is a control issue. I want to do things myself because I want to feel like I’m in control of the timing of things. It has taken me a long time to recognize this is usually the long road to getting to where I want to go instead of the quickest path.

How about you? Are you good about seeking help from others who know more than you do about an area where you want to improve your life? If this is something you struggle with as well, maybe we can try to get better at this together!

Areas where you might want to seek help:

• Strengthening relationships
• Improving your health
• Increasing your fitness level
• Doing better in your finances
• Excelling in your career or finding one that is more rewarding
• Pursuing your dreams (which may include any or all of the above)

What are some additional reasons we (at least I) hesitate to ask for help?

• Embarrassed we can’t figure it out on our own
• Don’t want to spend the money if there is a cost to obtaining help
• Think it’s quicker to do it ourselves
• Don’t want to “bother” someone else

An example of where I didn’t initially have the courage to ask for help was with my desire to publish a novel. After spending large amounts of time writing a first draft, the neatly printed manuscript sat hidden in a drawer for far longer than I care to admit because I had no clue what to do with it. I was afraid. Afraid of so many things related to that innocent looking stack of paper.

When we aren’t willing to ask for help, there are risks:

• We remain stuck, we settle
• Stress and worry can build when we can’t figure things out on our own
• We  may become more and more withdrawn
• We may miss out on numerous opportunities because we can’t get past a hurdle or we don’t know how to move ahead

Possible resources to consider for help:

• Friends and Family
• Local Professionals
• Online Resources

Our worlds are so much larger now because of the internet. I know I’ve mentioned this before but the opportunities this represents for everyone with access to the web is mind boggling. Before computers, we needed to have physical accessibility to someone in order to get their help. Maybe a telephone call was feasible but that has limitations. Now, someone on the other side of the country, or the world, might be able to help.

Personally, when I finally decided it was time to do something with that manuscript sitting in my drawer, I joined Self-Publishing School, an online course designed for this very purpose. I remember feeling elated but sick to my stomach when I signed up online and entered my credit card number. This was by far the largest investment I’d ever made online. Would I regret it? Please understand, this was not a spur of the moment purchase. I’d researched and observed this company for two years before committing. Just like with anything else, it’s on us to do our homework and make sure things are legitimate. Now, a year and a half later, I have no regrets.

It takes courage to ask for help. As I continue on my journey of getting better at seeking help from others, I’ll try to keep these ten things in mind:

1. No one is perfect and everyone can benefit from asking for help. I’m no different from anyone else in this respect.
2. There are people out there who have made it their life’s work to learn all they can about an area where I might be struggling. I shouldn’t expect to be as proficient at something I’ve never studied as someone else that has already committed so much to learning all they can about a subject.
3. If someone has dedicated time and energy to learning how to do something and they can help me in that area, I will gladly pay them for their services. Together everyone benefits.
4. If I don’t know someone that can help, I can find someone that can help. They may be local or they may be online. Both sources of assistance can be beneficial.
5. I refuse to be afraid to try something new. Someone is out there that is willing to help me figure out all the pieces. It is up to me to find them and to ask.
6. Even if I’m scared to ask for help on something, I need to push through that fear and ask. What is the worst thing that can happen? If they can’t help me, someone else can.
7. It isn’t always fastest to do it myself!
8. Be open to seeking guidance and assistance in numerous areas of my life. For some reason, for example, I can easily ask for help with my finances but not my fitness.
9. Find ways to encourage others to be brave enough to ask for help when they need it.
10. I will pay it forward. How can I help others where they might be struggling? Where can I use my own life experiences to help others live a better life?

 
I have a challenge for you. Right now, before you do anything else, think about one area of your life where you are less than satisfied with things. Why is this? Do you feel stuck? Do you need encouragement or maybe even someone to help hold you accountable? Why not find that someone today? Nothing like the present! Live that life you truly deserve,   Kim