Are you good at accepting help from others? Or do you prefer to try to do things on your own, muddling through because you don't want to bother anyone? Maybe you even think it's faster to do everything yourself.
 
 I used to hang out squarely in the middle of the "don't ask for help" camp . . . but not anymore.
 
I think part of my resistance to asking is because I hate to admit when I don't know how to do something. I can be a tiny bit stubborn that way. How about you?
 
During these past couple of hectic years spent chasing this dream of mine to write and publish novels people actually want to read, I've learned some essential lessons. I now understand that asking for help is a crucial component on the road to success. So is accepting help when it's offered. Going it alone makes for a much slower and much lonelier journey. Plus, if you open yourself up to more possibilities, you get to meet some awesome people along the way.
 
Besides, it should be a two-way street.
 
We all have ways we can help other people. We have skills we can share, learnings from our own journeys, and encouragement we can offer others.
 
Writing can be a solitary pursuit. On Saturday, I spent three hours in a coffee shop, took a quick break to enjoy lunch with my daughter, and then holed up for another two hours in my office, working hard on edits of my third novel. But unlike the hours spent writing the first draft, now I'm looking at the book through the eyes of my editor, and his assistance makes it all so much better.
 
A few months back, I saw a post on a local Facebook group. An author was curious about how she might be able to get her book into local stores. Since I'd been lucky enough to have already done a bit of this, we decided to meet for coffee and talk about how she might be able to take this next step in her author and artistic journey.
 
First three of us, and now four of us, started meeting monthly to share and compare learnings and help each other out where we can. I'm happy to report Traci's book, sporting vibrant illustrations she does herself, is now available at Zandbroz, the premier independent bookstore here in Fargo, ND.

Her book is the brightly colored one in the middle titled "Eleven" by Traci Sethre. It's so fun to see our books displayed close together! My two are in the bottom left-hand corner (Whispering Pines and Tangled Beginnings). It just so happens that the book next to mine titled "North Dakota Tough" was written by another local author friend and well-known sports writer, Jeff Kolpack. Jeff helped me get my books into Zandbroz.  
 
Yesterday, 4/27/19, was Independent Bookstore Day, a day set aside to celebrate books and those that help bring them to you. If you weren't able to stop in to a bookstore yesterday and get a copy of that book you've been meaning to read, go do it today.
 
But I apologize, talking about books distracts me. Now to get back to my "topic of the day" on collaboration.
 
Traci is a talented author and shares her work on Instagram. I've been wanting to get started on the Instagram platform but struggled to make the time to figure it out (of course, I tried to do it by myself first, but got nowhere). Traci has been kind enough to meet not only with me but also a small group of other local business owners to share pointers about how best to utilize the social media outlet. Thanks in large part to Traci, I now have an IG account, and I've even made a few posts, with many more to come as I learn the ropes.
 
I'm loving the visual aspect of Instagram and discovering all the other authors and avid readers, sharing books and inspiration. If you are already on Instagram, I'd love for you to find me there so we can follow each other. You'll find me at @kimberlydiedeauthor.
 
Our collaboration is helping us both, plus it's fun to make new friends at the same time.
 
Recently, another author reached out to me when she stumbled across my author page on Amazon. In addition to penning her own novels, Susan Winters writes a blog featuring people who work to balance creative pursuits with a full-time job. How cool is that?
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​When I checked out her website, and her header was this artistic shot of a pine cone, I knew I needed to find ways to work with Susan (I often use pine cones when displaying my books-it was a good sign). Susan kindly offered to feature an interview of me on her blog, and it went live yesterday. Please click here to check out my interview and Susan's other work.
 

If you or someone you know is also enjoying a creative pursuit on the side while working a “day” job, please reach out to me and I can help you connect with Susan. Or reach out to her directly. Another ND author friend of mine, Katherine Pendergast (Kat Socks), is scheduled to be featured in Susan's weekly blog on June 15, 2019. I was delighted to help connect the two.
 
I won't lie. Sometimes it's hard to balance it all. But connecting with others that find joy in similar pursuits can be so rewarding. They can help light your path when your own light dims under the weight of the pressure of not knowing enough or when you're feeling like you're stuck.
 
There is always someone out there that is able, and willing, to help show you how to get unstuck.
Isn't making connections with others what life is all about?
 
In the words of Albert Einstein: Creativity is contagious. Pass it on. 
 
If there is something you want to learn more about, find someone willing to give you a helping hand.
 
Thank you, Susan, Traci, Kat, Jeff, and others for helping me along this path. You all inspire me with what you've already accomplished, and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for each of you!
 
How can I help you?   Kim
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The first time I threw a sandbag was in 1993, and the makeshift dike stretched across our backyard and the backyards of our neighbors.  If I'm remembering right, we'd purchased our home on the Sheyenne river earlier that same year.
 
What had we gotten ourselves into?
 
When we were considering whether or not to purchase this house, I remember worrying about the potential risk the river might pose to the safety of our children. Granted, we didn't have any kids yet, but we hoped to. It wouldn't take me long to realize that shouldn't have been my only concern in regards to the river.
 
We've battled flooding numerous times in our small town over the years. As the waters began to rise back in 1993, we were about to learn not only how to fight a flood, but how important community is in the face of natural disasters.
 
It didn't take long before large numbers of neighbors, friends, and family showed up to lend a hand to protect our neighborhood. I'd never experienced anything like it before. Many of the locals knew what they were doing, having battled the water before. We didn't have a clue, but we could take orders!
 
If you've worked to either fill or place sandbags, you know it's hard, dirty work. The gritty sand gets into everything. That first year, I was kicked out of the line pretty quickly. Granted, it probably wasn't a great idea to be heaving and catching heavy bags, seeing as how I was pregnant with our first child. I found other ways to help. The teamwork paid off, and our properties stayed dry.
 
There would be more flood fights throughout the years. The spring of 1997 was particularly bad around here. Record snowfall and a spring ice storm led to record flooding. With a three-year-old and a newborn at home, we decided it wasn't safe to stay in the house with the kids. Floodwaters stretched in every direction. I left with the kids, but my husband and others remained behind to do what they could to protect our community.
 
Volunteers walked the dikes surrounding the town, night and day, watching for trouble spots. There were potlucks, neighbors checking on neighbors, and plenty of business for the local bar. There's nothing like a flood to get people outside, meeting their neighbors.
 
We are probably a couple of weeks away from knowing how much trouble, if any, we might face this year. There is still an awful lot of snow remaining in our yards. Today the river is quiet, low, still partially frozen. It won't stay that way. It'll awaken and rise. The question is always "how high?"
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I took the photo above two weeks ago, on March 9th, from the riverbank behind our house during what I hope was our last storm of the year. I'm not expecting too much flooding trouble this year. And my fingers are crossed that I'm right.
 
My heart breaks at the scenes of devastation south of us, in Nebraska and parts of South Dakota. I hope people are pulling together in those communities as well, neighbors helping neighbors where possible. It can be a terrible, helpless feeling to face a flood. Water is a powerful thing, at times impossible to control.
 
Speaking from experience, I know your heart pounds a little faster when an earthen dike goes up at the end of your street, the sound of heavy equipment echoing through the chilled air. You appreciate the Red Cross vehicle as it drives down your street, checking on people and handing out treats to the rattled kids. When the National Guard shows up in your backyard, beefing up the dike protecting your neighborhood, you feel appreciation and gratitude.
 
Around here, much of our flooding issues arise in the spring, spurred on by snow melt. Land in the Red River Valley is very flat, allowing water to flow where it will with little to stand in its way. But at least we have time to prepare. A call has already gone out for volunteers to help build one million sandbags, in case they're needed. It's better to be safe than sorry.
 
It has been quite a few years since we've faced significant flooding issues around here. Back when we seemed to be in a cycle of too much water, things like the proposed diversion garnered plenty of attention. But it's been quieter on that front lately. Memories can be short. That's not to say there haven't been significant improvements since the last big flood. Permanent dikes have been built, homes in flood-prone areas have been bought out and removed, and roads have been raised. We should be in better shape now.
 
I've experienced enough instances of flooding around here to have faith in our communities. If help is needed, people will respond. Sandbags will be filled, and experts will stand ready. And the best possible outcome will be that none of it ends up being necessary.
 
Hopefully, our warm-up will be gradual this year. While I look forward to the day when there is nothing but green grass to see, a slow melt would be better. No one needs any additional water downstream from us right now. The warmth of summer will be here soon enough. I think most would appreciate a nice, slow arrival of spring, to keep our communities safe and dry.
 
After all, we don't need a flood for an excuse to get out and say hello to the neighbors again.  Stay dry, stay safe everyone!    Kim

We all benefit from the assistance of others as we make our way through each and every day. Life is not a solo endeavor. Even though we often feel alone as we go about our daily routine, I invite you to take a step back and think about how many people helped you yesterday. On the flip side, how many did you help? I suspect it’s a significant number. We just tend to take much of it for granted.

A large portion of our days consist of routines, and because of this, we tend to miss the little random acts of kindness people do for us. Helping each other is integral to our nature. Today I challenge you to keep your eyes open for two things.

• Recognize when someone helps you and feel gratitude for their efforts on your behalf.
• Watch for ways you can assist someone else. How can you make their day a little brighter? And then don’t overthink it, just do it. 

​A friend has been toying with the idea of starting her own blog. She is a gifted writer with a warm heart and wisdom to share. She’s cheered me on since the beginning and I knew I wanted to do the same for her. As so often happens, when you keep your eyes open to the possibilities, we found a way to help each other.

Today I’m delighted to share a guest blog post with you, written by my friend Carla Torgerson:
   
Acceptance…
 
Ten letters strung together to make one word. Simple enough, right?

For some of us, acceptance comes easily. For others, the process is like being dragged along an unfamiliar path that is uncomfortable, and at times, almost unbearable.
 
Like most, I have had to accept many things in life.  Sometimes I’ve been able to do this with grace. Sometimes, quite the opposite.
 
A few years ago, I heard the words YOU HAVE RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS for the first time. Those four words have drastically changed my life. They shook me to my core, dropped me to my knees, and took the wind out of my sails. They significantly altered how I thought of myself as a person.
 
I was once a very strong and vibrant woman, but as the disease took its toll on my body, little by little pieces of who I was began to disappear. The list of things that I can no longer do is long. 

Saying goodbye to the woman I once was has been grueling. It truly has been a difficult grieving process of letting go without a safety net in place that assured me of who I was now going to be.
 
I found myself wishing, wanting, and hoping for things that were no longer possible. Daily I wasted my emotional and physical energy in a state of denial, bargaining with my inner self. Trying to make it all make sense. Attempting to calm my heart and settle my broken spirit.
 
It seemed like it took forever to wrap my head around the news. I passed through each stage of grief. Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. I glided through some of them swiftly but camped out in others for way too dang long.
 
After days, weeks and months of struggle, I think I have found myself in the acceptance stage. I won’t lie. It’s not easy and I can’t pretend that it is. I have a feeling acceptance is an undertaking all its own.
 
What I have come to realize is that we all must learn and grow through experiences that life throws at us. Each of us has our own story to tell. Every one of us has faced challenges and have needed to accept the things we cannot change.
 
For myself, it’s important to embrace life and all that it has to offer, instead of dwelling on what is no more. I am now hopeful of the endless possibilities for me to grow into a new person. The person I am meant to be. Because after all, isn’t that enough?

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​I am so excited for Carla to be starting something new and look forward to reading her words of wisdom in the future. I invite you to check out her new blog at the link below.

If you can find some little way today to help someone else pursue their dreams, do it! Support their small business, visit their restaurant, or read what they’ve offered to share. Nothing will make you feel better than providing someone else with a helping hand.     Kim

How many times have you declined someone’s offer of assistance because you thought you could do something faster yourself? Maybe you didn’t want to take the extra time on the front-end to show someone how to do something new, even if it would save you time in the long run. I’m certainly guilty of this. I say “guilty” because when we refuse to work with others, we miss out on so much.

Some people enjoy working with others as a team. Others prefer solo acts. Still others like a combination of the two. Which do you prefer? I think you find magic when you learn to strike a balance between the two approaches. There is a time and place for both.

There has been a movement in both schools and the workplace in recent years towards more collaborative environments. Walls are coming down—literally. Open spaces are meant to foster more interaction and idea sharing. Instead of rows of desks, many classrooms now utilize tables. Group projects are the norm in high school and college. The athletic field has always been a place where kids learned teamwork, but now, more than ever, kids are also learning to be team players in the classroom. 

So why this big push for collaboration and teamwork? Well, obviously there is no denying a group of people with a diverse set of skills can accomplish more than a single individual. 

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We can all benefit from the expertise of others when we work together. Everyone brings something different to the table. I’m not a huge sports fan but there is no denying the life lessons people learn when they participate in team sports. They learn there are important dynamics in every team. There is give and take, leadership and following, a game plan, and usually lots and lots of practice. When a group comes together and truly functions as a team, they can accomplish great things.

Kids are learning this in the classroom, too. It takes more than intelligence and good study habits to succeed in academics these days. Being able to function well in group dynamics is an important part of students’ grades. If a stellar student finds themselves on a group with three other students that don’t really care about working on an assignment, the “A” student needs to figure out a way to motivate the rest of the group or they’ll all be negatively impacted. Welcome to a lesson in real life, kids!

So many things in life are better when we work at them as a team. Our homes are cleaner if everyone chips in. Raising kids takes a village. We get lots more done at work and enjoy it more if we are surrounded with a good group of co-workers. We accomplish our dreams so much faster if we seek help from others.
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Why then, if there are so many benefits of teamwork, do we sometimes hesitate to participate? One reason, at least for me, is because I tend to be more of an introvert. This probably comes as no surprise since I enjoy working with numbers and words. I enjoy working alone. Working with a larger group doesn’t always feel comfortable for me. I suspect people with more extroverted tendencies also find some aspects of group work unappealing.

Relying on others can be scary. There is a loss of control. We open ourselves up to disappointment if we put ourselves in a position of vulnerability.

If we flip some of this thinking around though, we recognize working together can be fun. It can expand our horizons. It can even give us the opportunity to mentor others, to share our own expertise.

I do feel there is a time for solo work. While some people may be at their creative best in a boisterous group setting, others (like me) need quiet and a distraction free environment to go deep into that zone where flow happens.

​Last summer I read a fascinating book by Cal Newport called “Deep Work – Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World”.  He raises some very intriguing ideas. In our hyper-connected world full of noise, speed and constant change, those that are able to disconnect from the chaos for adequate periods of time to allow themselves to think and work deeply are a much needed yet rare commodity.

As the saying goes, Together Everyone Achieves More. Work with others for enjoyment, success and fulfillment. But also enjoy deep work on your own and strike that allusive balance to find contentment in your days. Enjoy your own company and the company of others. It shouldn’t be all or nothing. There is joy to be found in both. Balance will look different for everyone but finding what works for you is worth it! Enjoy!   Kim
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